When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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