life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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