I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
