piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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