When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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