Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
