Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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