Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Are my feet made of real feet?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
