I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
