other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
