'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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