If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
