He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
