If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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