His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
