every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
