not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
