I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
