And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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