just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
