Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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