Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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