Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
