i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
