I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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