Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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