i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
