It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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