I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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