HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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