If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want to make out with him forever
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
