ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
