isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
