He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
