Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
