Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
