He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
