evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
