I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
