Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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