I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
