It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
