I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
