who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
