Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
