mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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