You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
