i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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