I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
