i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
