Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
