Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
